5/31/11 Lord, You know Jimmy. He's been coming around for quite some time. When he comes in for prayer, he wants to give his life to You. But, ... he just can't get past the past, Lord.

He wants to surrender, but can find no white flag to wave in the breeze. He wants to turn it over to You, but can't seem to get it flipped. He wants let it go, but he "white knuckles" the past and can't turn his hands over to receive new life. That's funny. A black guy "white knuckling." Anyway ...

I asked, "Jimmy, when you gonna quit beating yourself up about things that Jesus wants to forget?" He started, "But, ..." and I countered, "It's that big ole but that always gets in the way, isn't it?" He just smiled and hung his head. "Yep."

Lord, how is that Jimmy can find himself so far from the true reality of Your love that he has come to believe You cannot take away past sin, guilt he now experiences, and shame that just won't seem to go away?

"I grew up going to church and I see how my family has done so well serving the Lord. What happened to me? Being homeless, I'm not even considered part of society."

Jimmy grew up with a Dad who loved You Lord but was pretty hard nosed, probably better said, abusive. So Jimmy's construct of You is a hard dominating Dad with not much room for mercy or allowing a wrong doer to change. So, Jimmy's not sure he can ever please You.

"I went to church for so long, even sung in the choir, but something happened, and I went to drinking. Now I don't know if can be for real. I don't want to be a half Christian. " Jimmy didn't say what the "something" was.

Lord, Jimmy is so close and the walls are coming down. Would You do a favor for me Lord? Please send Your Spirit that can tear down any wall that blocks Your divine love. Lead Jimmy to that relationship that he confesses is possible, but he has yet to embrace. Heal that "something" that is between he and You. Get the big "but" out of the way. Would You do that, Lord? Please?