9/21/11 Lord, she’s as skinny as a pencil, but sings like a beautiful songbird at Lunch Lesson. She usually volunteers to sing most every time she’s with us. A quiet lady, 25-ish, or so, maybe older, I’m not really sure. She doesn’t see very well, something our eye doctors will have to help remedy sometime.  She sports a wig that needs washing, and her clothes, well, you can tell they’re from a church clothes closet somewhere, maybe even our Clothing Bus that comes to RCM every other week. Usually her clothes are too big, but she makes sure she’s covered well. She’s a bit skittish. She’s been hurt. Too many times.

But, I can’t remember the number of times she’s hugged me and told me, “I love you bro. Anthony.” And I’m not the only one who receives that blessing. I’ve heard her tell others.

A number of us have ministered to Sholanda. With a team of social workers and staff on a mission to bring others to Christ, medical professionals who pray and minister to patients, an apprentice who loves the unlovable, an operations manager always willing to hear one more person’s “down on their luck” story, and a director who wants to “keep the main things the main thing,”--spirituality, the RCM team serves like one person led by You Lord to minister in the Luke 10:27 way--heart, mind, body, and soul.

Sholanda, a bit disabled, receives a small check and has managed to have her own home. But this week, she came in wanting her heavenly home secured. Without a blink, Sholanda was ready to be immersed into Christ and not only receive the blessings of forgiveness, the indwelling Holy Spirit, and a new family called church, she also said clearly that she was done with the crack smoking and drinking. We spoke of Christ’s love and acceptance but also that He would be her Lord. She promised You that she would go forward to sin no more.

Sholanda was so happy when we brought her up out of the water. She grinned and was very thankful to wear the little cross we gave her. And then, she was ready to go home. Home.

Jonda, one of our social workers who’s been working with Sholanda, asked her in the back seat of our old ministry station wagon, “So, you think you can get inside your house?”

“Yes, I can do it, I know how to kick the door in,” I could see her smiling in the rear view mirror. She has to block it shut so people will think the lock works. It doesn’t.

When we pulled up in front of the house on 2nd st., I asked if she’d like me to go in with her, and if she was afraid. She was, and she said, “Yes, please go in with me.”

We walked up on the porch of the wood frame and sided older house. I could hear the loud music blaring—a safety precaution hoping to fool troublemakers into thinking someone is home and hopefully not break in. But it doesn’t usually work, I’ve heard. Sholanda reached out and kicked the door. She had to do it twice before it partially opened. Sholanda’s neither big nor strong. When it finally came open, she waited for a moment, meaning, that I should go in first. I don’t remember how many times I’ve done that, Lord.

I checked each room, being only three, and there was no one there. I was glad. I have helped ladies similarly in the past, who were being abused, to go back to their homes to get their things, and occasionally the perp would be in the house. Well Lord, You always took care of me and the abused person You were removing from those bad situations. So, I trusted You this time. Again. I turned my back to walk back out on the porch to tell Sholanda it was safe, and as she walked across the threshold, she jumped back, scared to death. I thought, “Oh my, someone is in there and I missed it!” I couldn’t find anyone and I assured her no one was in the house. “Then, who is that?” she said. I looked and looked, and could find no one. Then I saw it.

Sholanda had seen her own shadow. My heart ached. Sholanda, hurt and abused, afraid to go into her own house, was afraid of her own shadow. My heart sunk. I felt her pain. She apologized for being scared. I apologized that she had been so hurt that she had to be scared of her own shadow. Lord, by Your power and life experiences, I’ve found myself not being too afraid of much of anything anymore. It’s neither arrogance nor personal power. It’s just my knowing that You are always, always with me. Always.

I guess the only fear I have, if You can call it one, would be, to not be who You want me to be, doing what You want me to do, and how. I’m glad I was who You wanted me to be, doing what You wanted me to be doing, and how, with Sholanda on that day.  My sadness deepened later, though, when I realized that Sholanda has been too afraid to be who you made her to be, unable to do what You want her to do, and how.  Well, no more. By the power and perfect love of Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, Sholanda has been set free from sin, guilt, shame, and fear. Sholanda has now become friends again with You. She can now become friends again, with her own shadow.

Listen to my prayer, O God … My heart is in anguish within me … Fear and trembling have beset me … I said, “Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would flee far away … Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets … But I call to God, and the Lord saves me … Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you … But as for me, I trust in you. Psalm 55, NIV

Blessings,

Anthony Wood, Assistant Director

River City Ministry

North Little Rock, AR